cheers for changes and cellars

so... i now live, in a cellar.
which means i can't possibly get any lower. (i hope).
still, somehow, living underground feels quite wonderful right now. as though i can feel the earth all around me... consoling me. and well. i do also have two windows facing the sun in the daytime, so if the earth isn't enough to console me i can see the sky too.

and...what else? oh yeah. i'm single again. it's like my life is going around in circles, in a way. No, actually more like a spiral going up, up, up. or perhaps down, down, down. i don't know which it is yet. maybe both. but this, too, somehow, feels quite wonderful. a new kind of adult acceptance. which makes me wonder if i've become a colder person. but...nah. i don't think so, really. i still get really sad at times. but i'm more used to it now. then again, i can also be so overzealously happy that it more than makes up for the sadness. i guess i've become a happier person overall. as though some sludge in my mind finally came out of my ear.  perhaps i'm just a little bit saner than before. and more grown-up, i guess.

one thing, that is keeping me sane, is my job. i think it helps me somehow. gives me the routine that's been lacking my whole life. i mean, if i didn't have a job, i'd just sit at home, contemplating how messed up i might be inside. and now i can at least help out with cleaning shit off the bathroom walls, while contemplating how messed up i might be inside. it makes me feel useful, and if i'm useful, i can't be that messed up. or, i guess it doesn't matter as much if i am, cause at least i'm useful. and i make money. obviously.

yeah, well. all in all. life's good. mostly i think it's due to a change in my attitude, thanks to the sludge finally coming off, as i mentioned before. i've decided to see life as good. so it is good. i mean. there are always these things  that can make a person feel down. but there is a personal choice involved too. and i'm just too cool to let things get me down too much. and also, i already live in a cellar... so i guess i just can't get down as much as before as i already am as down as i can get. before i'm buried, at least.
cheers to that.

below (appropriately enough) are some pictures of my beloved cellar room.

enjoyed the very good company that is myself over a glass of whiskey and celebrated finishing packing up all the stuff

the view is quite lovely, for a cellar.

ta-dah. broke my first egg on the new kitchen floor

a night out - in solitude

so i was at home the whole last week because i had to finish the last assignments for the summer course i'm taking. and oh, how bored i was on friday, when the last assignment was done. i so longed to go out and just dance my head off for a bit, but alas, i had no one to go with. there was this concert i wanted to go to -hardstyle-high-tempo  - perfect for dancing. so i went alone. to be honest, yes, i was quite nervous to be going out on the town by myself. it's not like i've done it so often before. probably never. but it was a lovely evening. maybe exactly what i needed. and once in a while, it can be good to test your comfort zones a bit. and learn that maybe life isn't always as scary as you may have thought.

can't get this cider in sweden, so it's somehow a nostalgic thing for me
to drink it whenever i'm in finland.
doesn't matter that i nowadays think it tastes mostly like yeast
with only a faint hint of fruit.
makes me think of when i was 16, i guess.

i just sat there, at peace, enjoying the view

sitting on a bench, an older gentleman came and sat next to me. he had a bible-app
in his smartphone, and quoted different passages to me.
did you know that humans are nothing but a field of grass in the breeze?
and that the song "By the rivers of Babylon" by Boney M is based on a psalm?
he actually started singing it to me, and his singing voice wasn't that bad.

interior decor

by this point i was dancing so much i was sweating,
so didn't manage to take that many pics

somehow i really love these walks home at sunrise in the summertime