How Does It Make You Feel

adorable alice

i really need to write about  the tv-movie "alice in wonderland" from 1985 i saw as it was quite lovely. just look at the pics below.

love all these expressions on alice. she is the perfect alice: annoying, impertinent and prancing.

So.... i have a job!! (also featuring inspiring insights from SGC)

sorry i haven't written in a while. but honestly, i can't say that i (or anyone else) take my blog that seriously  that i'd think people would get offended if i don't write something everyday. and, a lot has been going on.


to make a long story (or actually not that long but i'm tired and in need of a shower so) ..short,
here's a list on my actions the past months:

END of AUGUST: arriving back home - getting a notice that i didn't get registered on my autumn-3D-course as i was two days late with the web-registration. aaaargggh why didn't they send me an e-mail with the last date of registration??? why these old-school letters??? panic panic panic. phone calls here and there and finally the answer: your place on the course has gone to someone else. sadness and tears.  lots of them. seriously, my eyes hurt afterwards. and lastly, acceptance.

SEPTEMBER: the instruction book for the 3D-program i was supposed to learn on the course had already arrived in the mail so... could as well read the whole almost 500-paged thing and learn using the program. and it was fun! gave me back my ambition for working with 3D. lovely. but alas: the bills don't get paid with newfound amateur-ambition in 3D. i needed a job.

END of SEPTEMBER: putting off searching for a job 'til later... and later....... and later............... thinking it's best to search in the beginning of the next month... because... well, because. also, managed to buy all the tickets for my trip abroad to visit my brother and then for the game jam in denmark. but.......... now i needed a job even more than ever so:

FIRST of OCTOBER: got myself registered in the employment office of my town.

SECOND of OCTOBER: went to the employment office for a lecture on writing a good CV. had also heard that there was going to be some kind of recruiting event there so i'd printed some copies of my CV. after the lecture on writing CV:s though.. i realized that my CV sucked. and seriously thought of running home to polish it. but knew i wouldn't live with myself if i didn't at least try to hand it out now that there happened to be people taking CV:s. so.. i gave CV:s to two employers: a home-cleaning-firm and some.... technological firm i can't remember any specifics about. TWO HOURS LATER: got a call from the home-cleaning-firm. scheduled an interview for the next day.

THIRD of OCTOBER: went on the interview. interviewer/boss called and said he was 20 minutes late. i was 15 minutes early. took a walk around the block. (never good to be too early for an interview, i've heard) the sun was shining. mirrored in the water behind the leaves of yellowing trees. the interview-place was among industrial buildings, describing machines and technologies that seemed worthwhile but that i didn't understand. i forced myself to breathe slowly. calmly. finally the interview started. it wasn't that scary, actually. just... kind of like a discussion. also, it was ok for the employer that i was gonna travel abroad for two weeks at the end of the month. and the pay was gonna be quite good. and i looked forward to seeing into peoples homes...... leafed through the contract, and SIGNED! WOOO I HAVE A JOB I HAAVE A JOB I HAVE A JOBBB YAAY WOOOOOooOOOOOOOO called my boyfriend. called my mom. was happy. ate lunch.

then i went to the SWEDEN GAME CONFERENCE that took place in my town, but felt quite detached from it all. like... looking at a beautiful snow globe, from outside. it's nice and all. but if i would be inside it right now, i'd probably choke to death. still, some of the speakers were quite interesting. for example the wonderful indie-developer proposing the idea that "GAMES HAVE BECOME SHOPS". And: "DO YOU WANT TO SELL SOMETHING WITH A QUALITY TO THE LIKES OF A SINGLE MALT*, OR.........DO YOU WANT TO SELL DRUGS"**? (as in, mobile games/apps are drugs. and "real games", with, you know, a SOUL/depth or something like that, are single malt).
interesting, interesting.... but a quite one-sided view too. we'll see. perhaps the drugs could be dipped in single malt some day. hmm... would the drugs dissolve then, i wonder?

*the finest and tastiest of whiskeys (although quite overrated at times).

** it's bad for you. they say. and drug dealers are evil.



aaaaaand back to my failed attempt at making a long story short:

FOURTH of OCTOBER/AKA TODAY: my first day as a cleaning-lady-intern. i learned that i have some really nice fellow workers, that i no longer need to go to the gym considering how hard work it is to clean, and that apparently people in the cleaning business love to smoke. in their car. or outside. anywhere, probably. also learned that trains are not to be trusted.

and now i'll take a shower and hopefully drink some single malt later tonight. so looking forward to this weekend considering i probably enjoy it like, 50000 times more now that free time is no longer a given.

sbyee!

a night out - in solitude

so i was at home the whole last week because i had to finish the last assignments for the summer course i'm taking. and oh, how bored i was on friday, when the last assignment was done. i so longed to go out and just dance my head off for a bit, but alas, i had no one to go with. there was this concert i wanted to go to -hardstyle-high-tempo  - perfect for dancing. so i went alone. to be honest, yes, i was quite nervous to be going out on the town by myself. it's not like i've done it so often before. probably never. but it was a lovely evening. maybe exactly what i needed. and once in a while, it can be good to test your comfort zones a bit. and learn that maybe life isn't always as scary as you may have thought.

can't get this cider in sweden, so it's somehow a nostalgic thing for me
to drink it whenever i'm in finland.
doesn't matter that i nowadays think it tastes mostly like yeast
with only a faint hint of fruit.
makes me think of when i was 16, i guess.

i just sat there, at peace, enjoying the view

sitting on a bench, an older gentleman came and sat next to me. he had a bible-app
in his smartphone, and quoted different passages to me.
did you know that humans are nothing but a field of grass in the breeze?
and that the song "By the rivers of Babylon" by Boney M is based on a psalm?
he actually started singing it to me, and his singing voice wasn't that bad.

interior decor

by this point i was dancing so much i was sweating,
so didn't manage to take that many pics

somehow i really love these walks home at sunrise in the summertime

Zebra Katz

needed to make a post about this artist i've been listening to lately. (mainly because i wanted to post this lovely pic of him, and well, because i love his music). yo.

!?!?!?!?

so i got the results for my bachelor's thesis.
i got the highest score.

?!?!?!?!

well, actually you can only get three kinds of scores: failing, passing, and passing well. whatever that means. "underkänd, godkänd och väl godkänd" in swedish. so i got the slightly higher "väl godkänd"... ain't that nice. and strange, as i personally think my thesis is just......something i did in order to get it done. well, apparently that's all that it takes sometimes. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY I'VE GRADUATED FROM UNIVERSITY/COLLEGE WHATEVER IT'S CALLED IN ENGLISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WWWOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now i'm looking forward to a year or two of taking it easy, maybe working a shitty job or two. the plan is to work at WHATEVER JOB I GET (read: anything except calling people trying to sell useless shit) and then gather a big enough amount of money to travel. the future seems quite blank at the moment. open, vast and unknown. i'm feeling terrified and free at the same time. which is actually exactly how i want to feel right now. how i need to feel right now, i think.

we'll see.

and soon i'm back in dear finland again. oh how homesick i've been.
see you soon friends (if anyone is even reading this as it's summer and you may not even use your computer) ! ! ! ? ! ! !

a poem about my life at the moment (and no it doesn't rhyme as i'm too lazy and tired to try to rhyme)

so much to be done
that can't be done yet
a stressed little monster in my chest
gnawing

trying to ignore it
and go about my life
but oh, what life?
i have no life anymore

the sun is shining
and it's warm outside
i don't go outside
anymore.

i know i should.

i want to graduate
and move on
i want a dishwasher
and a homewasher
i want to be able to run

i dreamt i couldn't walk anymore
because of my knee
so i had to ride on a large dog
somehow, it was my seeing eye dog
because losing my ability to walk naturally meant
i was blind as well
but still, somehow i must have been able to see
because we went to see a movie
in somebodys ultra-modern home.
and then the room (it was a kitchen)
flied away, down the street
and i realized that the people who lived there
were aliens.
but they were kind aliens.

i watch tv-shows in the morning
to try to forget that i don't have a life anymore
by watching other people's constructed lives
i can play along
i'm waiting for the summer to begin
waiting
without actually having the time to wait
and still somehow i find the time
to watch tv-shows